It’s a haunting past. One which I didn’t have the willpower to leave behind until I started my healing journey, by the mercy and will of Allah.

I’m Anonymous D.

Before working with Salina I had just left my narcissistic ex whom I was engaged to and in a deep trauma bond with. In the beginning everything seemed great. Both of our families were in agreement of this union. He was great. At face value. Of course later, the masks would come of to the point where his own mother told me not to marry him. His own mother.

I was pregnant. I was vulnerable. And my narcissist (now ex) continued to prey on me. It worked, and like I said, at face value, everything seemed great. But soon his toxicity and lack of empathy and demons started to show. And, sadly, not caring about the stress he put me through, nor the tears I’d beg him with, I lost my baby to a miscarriage.

The rest is history.

One that somehow, I am managing to overcome.

Throughout this relationship, I had deep people pleasing tendencies and was in need for validation. Perhaps, I just wanted to feel taken care of, and perhaps I just wanted to feel loved. In this vulnerable place, I found myself always putting myself down for my mistakes and making excuses for some of the abuse by my abuser. A perfect recipe to be manipulated.

In detail, my daily life would consist of absolutely no eating, feeling severely depressed, crying nonstop, everyday, due to the trauma of grieving the loss of my child, abuse by my ex partner, childhood trauma and also from secondary emotions of feeling emotionally unstable in the first place.

This would happen until I would faint from anxiety and emotional distress.

I manifested the mental pain in my body and had severe physical symptoms of anxiety such as black outs, teeth clattering, shivering nonstop and vomiting. It was my personal hell.

I was introduced to PF through a family member. It was truly a blessing. I had reached out to Salina for access to her zoom talk during Ramadan. It helped me gather my thoughts and feelings. Something just clicked.

Between understanding myself, forgiving myself, gaining support and preparing for umrah, I began to take responsibility for my self growth, self care and self accountability in a loving manner. I learned to talk to myself how I would talk to someone I love. I was building the strength to leave everything behind in umrah. And when umrah came, I did just that.

I have learned that things will change. They do change.

I have learned many gems from Salina and one of my takeaways has been to make du’a (prayer) to make the fire cool for us, as Allah did for Ibrahim (AS). Also, I have learned to internalise the idea of truly surrendering to Allah.

Whilst working with Salina I have regained and strengthened my self trust.

Salina’s teachings have helped me navigate through the motions of life. From the moment I had my first interaction till today. My biggest achievement has been to eat and sleep as normal. As that is the foundation to feeling better.

Thank you so much Salina. I truly appreciate you and wish you all the best and all the success in sha Allah. May Allah preserve you and keep you steadfast, barakAllahu feekum, Ameen. ❤️

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Proof read and edited by Salina

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I miscarried in my narcissistic relationship

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