Nafs (struck by worries): I really don’t want to sleep.
Me (Consciousness): then don’t sleep.
Nafs: I really don’t want to work.
Me: then don’t work.
Nafs: I really don’t want to think.
Me: then don’t think.
Nafs: I just want to become.
Me: Then become.
Nafs: become?
Me: yes. Become.
Nafs: but how? If I do not wish to do anything?
Me: Patiently. Lovingly.
Nafs: why must I be patient and loving. Why can I not become fast.
Me: undoing everything you are not, and unhinging from everything you are entangled with, requires you to unfold parts of you that have not been used in a while. Or, perhaps ever.
Me: You say you don’t want to sleep. What you mean is you want to stay alert for any perceived danger.
It will feel sore in the beginning to stop using the muscles that expects impending doom. Your brain will want to think the worst. Your eyes will want to stay awake. Your heart will want to panic.
It will take love and patience to learn how to rest.
Me: You say you do not want to work, when really meaningful work feels purposeful and fruitful to you. What you mean is, you (the body’s nervous system) would rather mimic death, like a deer in the forest, hoping that the lion (the subconscious threat) will just go away. When really, you should feel safe where you are.
It will take love and patience to learn how to feel safe with yourself and others. Ya nafsi. It will take love and patience to become the lion too. It will take love and patience to notice that you belong.
Me: you say you don’t want to think. But your thoughts are not your enemy. Let them be.
It will take love and patience to learn how to befriend them. To let their intensities no longer intimidate you. And when you soften to them, they will soften to you.
Me: This is how you become. So become.
Nafs: how do I make this simple?
Me: Deliberate love and patience. Patience. Patience. You are your child to raise now and a child does not grow in a month, nor becomes wise in a year, nor carries strength in two. When you put yourself to sleep and you teach yourself to work and you demonstrate how to lead, remember that a child needs an abundance of love. Patient love. An abundance of loving patience. Beautiful patience.
Nafs: “Fasabrun jameel” (فَصَبْرٌ جَمِيل).
Me: “Fasabrun jameel” (فَصَبْرٌ جَمِيل).
• In this piece, nafs refers to the ego (survival) aspect which is produced by people’s subconscious defences and protective systems against perceived threats.
• Consciousness here refers to the observer self, which is separate from the thoughts and feelings the ego uses as tools to manifest its protective parts, usually in the form of worries, anger, resentment, and other thoughts and feelings of similar frequencies. Consciousness is the ‘awareness’ part of us, the aspect which is able to observe the mind that thinks and the body that feels. Scientists to this day debate where this aspect of us could be, however, I believe it has its own wisdom and have thought others how to access it.
Professional Female 